Peer Response 2, Post 7, Week 12

In response to Emmanuel's "Free Entry, Week 12":

First of all, I'm really glad you wrote this. I agree with Tim that "The Meat Skin Lady" is engaging, but I feel like this is a more working title and could use a little refining. "Meat skin" is so specific, but "the...lady" is very vague. Maybe you could work her name into the title somehow, or get rid of her there altogether. I don't really know any example to give you, but I'm sure if you just work with it you'll come up with something.

The part about the saints rejoicing is a good idea, but it needs to be played with a bit more. When I think of saints in a church, I usually think about stained glass windows, which could be included in something like:

"Even the window saints long for their stained-glass wallets, translucent mouths watering for plain, barbecue, or salt and vinegar."

That's VERY rough, but hey--it's a start.

You write in line 16 "On the sofa, we hold hands." Since you're in a church, I would imagine a pew rather than a couch. If it's really a couch, we might need to know why it's not a pew. Another consistency comment: in the beginning, the meat skins cost a dollar, but at the end they're free. Just some things to be conscious of. Good draft!