Pearls
Leopold Sedar Senghor
White pearls,
Slow droplets,
Droplets of fresh milk,
Lights fleeing along telegraph lines,
Along the long monotonous gray days!
Where are you going?
To which paradise? Which paradise?
The first lights of my childhood
Never found again...
- Repetition is used with "droplets" and "Which paradise?"
- Use of questions to draw the reader in
- Metaphor
- Varied punctuation
- Creates a distinct voice
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Improv 2, Post 9, Week 8
The Sound of Birds at Noon
Dahlia Ravikovitch
This chirping
is not in the lease malicious.
They sing without giving us a though
and they are as many
as the seed of Abraham.
They have a life of their own,
they fly without thinking.
Some are rare, some common,
but every wing is grace.
Their hearts aren't heavy,
even when they peck at a worm.
Perhaps they're light-headed.
The heavens were given to them
to rule over day and night
and when they touch a branch,
the branch too is theirs.
This chirping is entirely free of malice.
Over the years
it even seems to have
a note of compassion.
The Sound of Wolves at Nightfall
Casey LaRue
This howling
is not in the least malicious.
They feed without giving us a thought
and they form together
like families and clans.
They have a hunger of their own,
they feed without thinking.
Some are wild, some tame,
but every paw is cunning.
Their hearts love
enough to see their young raised.
Perhaps they're lonely.
The forests were given to them
to watch over especially by night
and when they sing to the moon,
the moon too is theirs.
This howling is entirely free of malice.
Over the years
it even seems to have
a twinge of pain.
Dahlia Ravikovitch
This chirping
is not in the lease malicious.
They sing without giving us a though
and they are as many
as the seed of Abraham.
They have a life of their own,
they fly without thinking.
Some are rare, some common,
but every wing is grace.
Their hearts aren't heavy,
even when they peck at a worm.
Perhaps they're light-headed.
The heavens were given to them
to rule over day and night
and when they touch a branch,
the branch too is theirs.
This chirping is entirely free of malice.
Over the years
it even seems to have
a note of compassion.
The Sound of Wolves at Nightfall
Casey LaRue
This howling
is not in the least malicious.
They feed without giving us a thought
and they form together
like families and clans.
They have a hunger of their own,
they feed without thinking.
Some are wild, some tame,
but every paw is cunning.
Their hearts love
enough to see their young raised.
Perhaps they're lonely.
The forests were given to them
to watch over especially by night
and when they sing to the moon,
the moon too is theirs.
This howling is entirely free of malice.
Over the years
it even seems to have
a twinge of pain.
Improv 1, Post 8, Week 8
In the Ashtray
Vasko Popa
A tiny sun
With yellow tobacco hair
Is burning out in the ashtray
The blood of cheap lipstick suckles
The dead stumps of stubs
Beheaded sticks yearn
For sulphur crowns
Blue roans of ash whinny
Arrested in their prancing
A huge hand
With a burning eye in its palm
Lurks on the horizon
In the Jewelry Box
Casey LaRue
A tiny elephant
With red ruby eyes
Is mud bathing in the jewelry box
The gold of a formal pin stabs
Itself in the back
Empty rings yearn
For fingers to strangle
Clasps cast about in the dark
Looking for a link to complete them
A bare body
With holes and limbs to fill
Lurks beyond the mirror
Vasko Popa
A tiny sun
With yellow tobacco hair
Is burning out in the ashtray
The blood of cheap lipstick suckles
The dead stumps of stubs
Beheaded sticks yearn
For sulphur crowns
Blue roans of ash whinny
Arrested in their prancing
A huge hand
With a burning eye in its palm
Lurks on the horizon
In the Jewelry Box
Casey LaRue
A tiny elephant
With red ruby eyes
Is mud bathing in the jewelry box
The gold of a formal pin stabs
Itself in the back
Empty rings yearn
For fingers to strangle
Clasps cast about in the dark
Looking for a link to complete them
A bare body
With holes and limbs to fill
Lurks beyond the mirror
Peer Response 2, Post 7, Week 8
In response to Emmanuel's Free Entry:
Okay, so I'll admit my church attendance has been less than perfect. In fact, I don't really go to church. But in an attempt to give you feedback from all audiences, I'm going to try not to sound ignorant. Here we go.
First, I'm not a huge fan of lines like "He stands" or "she sits" or "he waits." Although I'm guilty of it too, lately I've tried to concentrate on the more important details of the way the person stands (or sits, or whatever) and letting the reader determine the posture.
Another thing I'm working on is taking out unnecessary phrases. I think you could lose "as he is" from the second line and just go with "burdened by the cross / upon his back.
Here's where I become a bit of a dense reader. I think you're describing a picture of Jesus and the Apostles. It's interesting that the picture is leaning, but I want you to offer a meaning behind the leaning (ha). Is it leaning toward the traitor? Also, the question of "Is it I, Is it I" gets me. I want to know the rest of the question, and filling that in will eliminate the need for you to say "the question that bounces between them."
I'm not sure if the lady is a part of the picture or an actual person, and I'm not sure we need to know, but I'm confused about the importance of the red. It seems like the color should stand for something the way you keep referring to it. As of now I'm attributing it to Jesus's blood? The personification of the piano is good, but nothing is ever done with it. It's kind of left hanging. Anyway, I hope my slightly dense comments helped somehow. Good work!
Okay, so I'll admit my church attendance has been less than perfect. In fact, I don't really go to church. But in an attempt to give you feedback from all audiences, I'm going to try not to sound ignorant. Here we go.
First, I'm not a huge fan of lines like "He stands" or "she sits" or "he waits." Although I'm guilty of it too, lately I've tried to concentrate on the more important details of the way the person stands (or sits, or whatever) and letting the reader determine the posture.
Another thing I'm working on is taking out unnecessary phrases. I think you could lose "as he is" from the second line and just go with "burdened by the cross / upon his back.
Here's where I become a bit of a dense reader. I think you're describing a picture of Jesus and the Apostles. It's interesting that the picture is leaning, but I want you to offer a meaning behind the leaning (ha). Is it leaning toward the traitor? Also, the question of "Is it I, Is it I" gets me. I want to know the rest of the question, and filling that in will eliminate the need for you to say "the question that bounces between them."
I'm not sure if the lady is a part of the picture or an actual person, and I'm not sure we need to know, but I'm confused about the importance of the red. It seems like the color should stand for something the way you keep referring to it. As of now I'm attributing it to Jesus's blood? The personification of the piano is good, but nothing is ever done with it. It's kind of left hanging. Anyway, I hope my slightly dense comments helped somehow. Good work!
Free Write, Post 6, Week 8
For my free write, I took Jenna's suggestion/challenge and plan to loosely do this:
Free Writing Prompt - Write a list of all the words you can think of that start with "mag-". Select three of the words, using them for your 20 minute free-write. For a second list, use "tri-"
Trifecta
Triple
Triplet
tricycle
Trifle
Tri-county
Tribunal
Tribute
Tributary
Tribe
Trick
Trickle
Tried
Tries
Trigonometry
Triangle
Trill
Trillion
Trim
Trinket
Trisha
Trio
Trip
Tripod
Triton
Trivia
Trivial
Trillions of water molecules
trickle in
triplets along the path of the
tributary. Each drop
tries to outdo the
trivial flow of the others,
tripping and tumbling down the river.
Trimming the shores, creating
trinkets from once-jagged stones...each
trio splashes higher than the one before.
Tripod on shore,
Trip Hanvey shoots the
trifecta of H2O.
Free Writing Prompt - Write a list of all the words you can think of that start with "mag-". Select three of the words, using them for your 20 minute free-write. For a second list, use "tri-"
Trifecta
Triple
Triplet
tricycle
Trifle
Tri-county
Tribunal
Tribute
Tributary
Tribe
Trick
Trickle
Tried
Tries
Trigonometry
Triangle
Trill
Trillion
Trim
Trinket
Trisha
Trio
Trip
Tripod
Triton
Trivia
Trivial
Trillions of water molecules
trickle in
triplets along the path of the
tributary. Each drop
tries to outdo the
trivial flow of the others,
tripping and tumbling down the river.
Trimming the shores, creating
trinkets from once-jagged stones...each
trio splashes higher than the one before.
Tripod on shore,
Trip Hanvey shoots the
trifecta of H2O.
Peer Response 1, Post 5, Week 8
In response to Sheila's free entry:
I like the intention of this piece. It's a little like the object poems we did for our calisthenics this week. In the first and second lines, though, there is a question and a seemingly unrelated dependent clause followed by a period. The second line could also be rearranged to get those difficult "l" sounds away from each other (the grass growing like a green skyline beneath).
The third line seems awkward with "not awake" thrown at the bottom. Again, try to rearrange it to make it more interesting (The cold red lever slept facing the ground).
The questions in the fourth line are confusing because there hasn't been a time set up, so we don't know to be expecting the mailman.
The word "dispatch" typically refers to something being sent out rather than received. I believe that it's okay to use plain language in poetry sometimes, and I think this would be an instance where it would work.
The last four lines shift away from the subject with no obvious reason or connection. I would work on creating something to lead the reader logically from point A to point B. Good early draft.
I like the intention of this piece. It's a little like the object poems we did for our calisthenics this week. In the first and second lines, though, there is a question and a seemingly unrelated dependent clause followed by a period. The second line could also be rearranged to get those difficult "l" sounds away from each other (the grass growing like a green skyline beneath).
The third line seems awkward with "not awake" thrown at the bottom. Again, try to rearrange it to make it more interesting (The cold red lever slept facing the ground).
The questions in the fourth line are confusing because there hasn't been a time set up, so we don't know to be expecting the mailman.
The word "dispatch" typically refers to something being sent out rather than received. I believe that it's okay to use plain language in poetry sometimes, and I think this would be an instance where it would work.
The last four lines shift away from the subject with no obvious reason or connection. I would work on creating something to lead the reader logically from point A to point B. Good early draft.
Junkyard Quote 4, Post 4, Week 8
"I'm too drunk to taste that chicken."
Heard this one at a party. I'm not sure that I would use it as written, but I could use it as a guideline for putting surprising things together. This one was pretty good as far as unexpected language.
Heard this one at a party. I'm not sure that I would use it as written, but I could use it as a guideline for putting surprising things together. This one was pretty good as far as unexpected language.
Junkyard Quote 3, Post 3, Week 8
"That's how you know if you should kiss her."
I heard this in the halls of the humanities building today. The fact that it was a girl talking to a girl brings up a whole different scenario to play with as well.
I heard this in the halls of the humanities building today. The fact that it was a girl talking to a girl brings up a whole different scenario to play with as well.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Junkyard Quote 2, Post 2, Week 8
"Hearts and fortune cookies"
Someone in another class drew a heart and someone else thought it was a fortune cookie. It made me think about the similarities between the two and how it could be used for a piece. So far, I kind of like "filled with subtext like hearts / and fortune cookies."
Someone in another class drew a heart and someone else thought it was a fortune cookie. It made me think about the similarities between the two and how it could be used for a piece. So far, I kind of like "filled with subtext like hearts / and fortune cookies."
Junkyard Quote 1, Post 1, Week 8
"I feel like I always sound like myself; it's just the self that I sound like is sometimes different."
Another from my CNF professor. I'm not sure that I would use the entire quote, but the idea is interesting. Different voices for different subjects, jargon, slang, etc. could be interesting to look at in a poem.
Another from my CNF professor. I'm not sure that I would use the entire quote, but the idea is interesting. Different voices for different subjects, jargon, slang, etc. could be interesting to look at in a poem.
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