Turkey in the Rain
Casey LaRue
The monstrous gobbler gives
nervous focus to the forest
and dances to disencumber his down coat.
Shake
Shake
A flip of the feathers, and
Adam's ale explodes like
small spiraling short-lived fireworks.
Shake
Shake
His snood and wattle waggle
around his fowl face,
brutally battering beak and eye.
Shake
Shake
Precipitation plummets and
he stares, spellbound,
at Heaven's broth, blocking his breath and
Glug
Glug
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Improv 1, Post 7, Week 3
Midsummer, Tobago
Derek Walcott
Broad sun-stoned beaches.
White heat.
A green river.
A bridge, scorched yellow palms
from the summer-sleeping house
drowsing through August.
Days I have held,
days I have lost,
days that outgrow, like daughters,
my harbouring arms.
Midnight, Georgia
Small one-room apartment.
Green walls.
A brown dog.
A cat,
stained ecru carpet
from the moving-in party
soaking in time.
Sensations I have felt,
sensations I have screamed,
sensations that flee, like blood,
my contracting heart.
Derek Walcott
Broad sun-stoned beaches.
White heat.
A green river.
A bridge, scorched yellow palms
from the summer-sleeping house
drowsing through August.
Days I have held,
days I have lost,
days that outgrow, like daughters,
my harbouring arms.
Midnight, Georgia
Small one-room apartment.
Green walls.
A brown dog.
A cat,
stained ecru carpet
from the moving-in party
soaking in time.
Sensations I have felt,
sensations I have screamed,
sensations that flee, like blood,
my contracting heart.
Peer Response 2, Post 6, Week 3
In response to Emmanuel's Improv 1:
I really like that you chose to improvise off of Midsummer, Tobago. I also chose this for my first improv, but I think we took two different approaches to it. I was in love with the last two line's of Walcott's piece, so I started there and worked my way backwards. You seem to have taken the setting and worked from there. I think that must be an easier way to go about it, as I had a lot of trouble and yours looks much more planned than mine. The main thing I would suggest revising is the last two lines. I love the image of roaches and years scattering, but I think you need a different word in place of skull. Walcott says that the days outgrow his harbouring arms just as daughters do. Taken in that context, roaches and years would scatter your skull. Beyond that last bit, though, I think you did an excellent job.
I really like that you chose to improvise off of Midsummer, Tobago. I also chose this for my first improv, but I think we took two different approaches to it. I was in love with the last two line's of Walcott's piece, so I started there and worked my way backwards. You seem to have taken the setting and worked from there. I think that must be an easier way to go about it, as I had a lot of trouble and yours looks much more planned than mine. The main thing I would suggest revising is the last two lines. I love the image of roaches and years scattering, but I think you need a different word in place of skull. Walcott says that the days outgrow his harbouring arms just as daughters do. Taken in that context, roaches and years would scatter your skull. Beyond that last bit, though, I think you did an excellent job.
Peer Response 1, Post 5, Week 3
In response to Kamau's Free Entry this week:
This piece starts off beautifully. From the first line alone I can tell that you really care about the sound of the words you use and how they fit together. There are a few punctuation issues (missing apostrophes, etc.) and a few misspellings (like using there instead of they're), but those are easily corrected. I really like how I can hear your voice throughout the piece. I never seem to read your work in my own head voice, which is cool. In the tenth line, I have a little trouble with the wording. The subjects don't agree. You have "of what is, what isn't, and things to be" but I feel like it should say "of what is, what isn't, and what is to be." The last image of this piece is great. The idea of two people pressed up against the same paper wall in the dark is incredible. Great work.
This piece starts off beautifully. From the first line alone I can tell that you really care about the sound of the words you use and how they fit together. There are a few punctuation issues (missing apostrophes, etc.) and a few misspellings (like using there instead of they're), but those are easily corrected. I really like how I can hear your voice throughout the piece. I never seem to read your work in my own head voice, which is cool. In the tenth line, I have a little trouble with the wording. The subjects don't agree. You have "of what is, what isn't, and things to be" but I feel like it should say "of what is, what isn't, and what is to be." The last image of this piece is great. The idea of two people pressed up against the same paper wall in the dark is incredible. Great work.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Junkyard Quote 4, Post 4, Week 3
"Oh will you help me? Can you help me?"
I don't remember exactly where this came from, but I know it was from a movie. Some girl was in trouble and she asked that of someone. I loved the way she said it, so I decided to put it here.
I don't remember exactly where this came from, but I know it was from a movie. Some girl was in trouble and she asked that of someone. I loved the way she said it, so I decided to put it here.
Junkyard Quote 3, Post 3, Week 3
"She's eaten like 500 dollars."
The speaker had originally meant to say "500 dollars' worth of food," but he never finished it, and I like it this way better I think.
The speaker had originally meant to say "500 dollars' worth of food," but he never finished it, and I like it this way better I think.
Junkyard Quote 2, Post 2, Week 3
"War stories and fish stories are bullshit."
Another little snippet from my CNF professor.
Another little snippet from my CNF professor.
Junkyard Quote 1, Post 1, Week 3
"All this lovely baggage"
This was my professor again. We were talking about the effect of including quotes from classical philosophers in a book about the Viet Nam conflict.
This was my professor again. We were talking about the effect of including quotes from classical philosophers in a book about the Viet Nam conflict.
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