Peer Response 2, Post 7, Week 5

In response to Kamou's free entry:

This piece is very interesting. As always, I can definitely hear your voice throughout the whole thing. I agree with Pauline as far as this sounding like lyrics, and I like it. The beginning doesn't seem to have as much rhythm as the rest of the piece, but I cheated and read the last few lines first, so maybe I had some expectations already. There are points where I want to tell you to fix the grammar/spelling (this mental compass point straight), but the other half of me thinks that it works here. It wouldn't hurt to check punctuation, though, like its and it's.

Peer response 1, Post 6, Week 5

In response to Brandy's free entry:

I also don't know who Dave Pelzer is, but I searched his name on Google and found that he was a survivor of childhood abuse who is now a self-help author. That small bit of research coupled with your explanation at the end was enough for  me to understand that this was what you wished for Dave rather than the unfortunate childhood he had. I think, regardless of what he had in mind, this works as a piece that we all wish was accurate. That said, there are still errors from a technical standpoint. For example, piñatas shouldn't have an apostrophe.I like the alliteration of "bruised bodied blood," but I'm not sure it makes sense. I think you could use some commas between the "not______" sections, and I'm a little confused as to why you used "her" in the last line of the second stanza. But the basis of the piece is good. I agree with Tim that you could bring in some more detail, but overall good work.

Free Entry, Post 5, Week 5

I do not enjoy walking,
but when I walk,
I enjoy it.
The smell of honeysuckle
and impending rain
come and go with the breeze.
On a nearby building,
a squirrel moves smoothly along the lowest ledge
like a bushy-tailed, landlocked dolphin.
With no trees leading to the building,
no branches reaching toward the roof,
I wonder how he got there.
Looking around, I see other pedestrians,
none of whom have noticed the wandering rodent.
They are all enjoying the image of the ground
or their phones.
I breathe in the fresh summer air
and watch the squirrel turn
the corner of the roof.

Junkyard Quote 4, Post 4, Week 5

"I like the bouncing rhythm of repetition."

I pulled this from Tim O'Brien, a creative nonfiction writer who recently did a reading and several Q and A sessions at the university. I got a ton of quotes from him, and this was one of the ones I felt could be most easily used in a poetic piece.

Junkyard Quote 3, Post 3, Week 5

"We'll play third grade politics."

One of my writing group members was talking about interacting with people in the library and exchanging evil looks with a girl he went to elementary school with.

Junkyard Quote 2, Post 2, Week 5

"You can't be there if there's no there to be."

Yet another gem from my CNF teacher. We were talking about setting the scene for a piece, and she came up with this to inspire us to give more details.

Junkyard Quote 1, Post 1, Week 5

"It's like trans fats. The only people who have them are the people who don't say they don't."

I don't remember where I heard this, but I do remember thinking it was funny. I think it was a standup comedian. Anyway, I liked it so here it is.