Peer Response 1, Post 5, Week 3

In response to Kamau's Free Entry this week:

This piece starts off beautifully. From the first line alone I can tell that you really care about the sound of the words you use and how they fit together. There are a few punctuation issues (missing apostrophes, etc.) and a few misspellings (like using there instead of they're), but those are easily corrected. I really like how I can hear your voice throughout the piece. I never seem to read your work in my own head voice, which is cool. In the tenth line, I have a little trouble with the wording. The subjects don't agree. You have "of what is, what isn't, and things to be" but I feel like it should say "of what is, what isn't, and what is to be." The last image of this piece is great. The idea of two people pressed up against the same paper wall in the dark is incredible. Great work.