I really like that you chose to improv with this piece. In fact, I chose the same one for my first improv. I must say it was a little harder than I expected. "Financial accounting" is a tough phrase to play with. There are so many syllables that it is difficult to manipulate into anything else. I think you did a good job with your descriptions, like "...the ancient Sumerians gargling marbles," along with "a basketball pump...the handle pulled up, sucking away". I think the ending is interesting as well, since in the original piece, she extended the wordplay further in the last phrase. However, I think your ending works well too. One suggestion I would make is to not rely so heavily on the original piece, especially at the beginning. Your original ideas are where the strength lies in this piece. Work more with them while just keeping the idea of the original. Good work!
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