Peer Response 1, Post 6, Week 11

In response to Emmanuel's "Improvisation 1, Week 11":

This is a pretty dark piece, I must say, but it's very interesting. I think this is about a girl who died from domestic abuse. If that's wrong, disregard most of what I say in this comment.
In the first stanza, you wrote "...a ring / that was slipped on her finger / at one time till death did her / and the husband apart."
I know you're trying to get across to us that this is her wedding ring, but if you're going to use the idea of "until death do you part," there needs to be something shocking or unexpected with it. Did she know it would happen? If the husband killed her (which is what I think based on the draft), then he "did them part." That could be an interesting angle to look at.
One part that struck me as awkward was the end of the fist stanza: "The dirt now lay around / and under her nails, in her nostrils, / wiped upon her face marks the date." You have two verbs in this sentence (lay and marks) and they are in two different tenses. Either get rid of one or add another subject to smooth this portion out.
Be careful of brand names. Band-Aid is an actual brand. If you don't want to talk about a specific brand, you should use "bandages" instead. Also, the word "gauge" seems like it should be "gauze," and "unhealable" is awkward and sounds a little more juvenile than the rest of the piece.
If I were you, I would get rid of the couplet at the end. I know it was part of the original piece, but an improvisation doesn't have to match up exactly. If something doesn't work for your draft, you have the freedom to get rid of it altogether. I think this is a good draft so far. Looking forward to seeing what you do with it from here.