Peer Response 2, Post 7, Week 8

In response to Emmanuel's Free Entry:


Okay, so I'll admit my church attendance has been less than perfect. In fact, I don't really go to church. But in an attempt to give you feedback from all audiences, I'm going to try not to sound ignorant. Here we go.
First, I'm not a huge fan of lines like "He stands" or "she sits" or "he waits." Although I'm guilty of it too, lately I've tried to concentrate on the more important details of the way the person stands (or sits, or whatever) and letting the reader determine the posture.
Another thing I'm working on is taking out unnecessary phrases. I think you could lose "as he is" from the second line and just go with "burdened by the cross / upon his back.
Here's where I become a bit of a dense reader. I think you're describing a picture of Jesus and the Apostles. It's interesting that the picture is leaning, but I want you to offer a meaning behind the leaning (ha). Is it leaning toward the traitor? Also, the question of "Is it I, Is it I" gets me. I want to know the rest of the question, and filling that in will eliminate the need for you to say "the question that bounces between them."
I'm not sure if the lady is a part of the picture or an actual person, and I'm not sure we need to know, but I'm confused about the importance of the red. It seems like the color should stand for something the way you keep referring to it. As of now I'm attributing it to Jesus's blood? The personification of the piano is good, but nothing is ever done with it. It's kind of left hanging. Anyway, I hope my slightly dense comments helped somehow. Good work!